They taught one way. They were building another.
This article explains why I stopped trying to build my business the way everyone told me to, why chasing 100 calls a month nearly burned me out, and what I built instead. If you’re trying to build a business while working full time, this is about creating a foundation with content, simple systems, and real conversations so your business can grow without swallowing your life.
The grind I didn’t want to live inside
When I first started online, I was told I should be filling my calendar with no less than a hundred calls a month. Back then I was working thirteen-hour night shifts as a nurse, coming home, making calls, sleeping for a few hours, then getting up and making more calls. On paper, it looked like commitment. In real life, it felt like a grind I couldn’t breathe inside of.
I was getting a lot of no’s. Not because people were unkind, but because cold phone prospecting is a very specific skill, and it was never my strength. Trying to turn a cold conversation into a yes all day, every day, was exhausting. Even if I hadn’t been working full-time, I could already tell this wasn’t something I wanted to build my life around.
If you’re working a job and trying to build something on the side, you probably recognize this kind of tired. Not just tired from work. Tired from trying to make someone else’s business model fit your life.
When the advice didn’t match the reality
I got stuck in the grind because I was doing what all the top leaders said I had to do. And after I’d been in it for a while, I realized something uncomfortable. A lot of them were teaching one thing, but doing something else. It wasn’t malicious. It was just a mask. And I was trying to live inside advice that wasn’t even how they were building anymore.
The part no one talked about: ads
What I didn’t realize at first was how much of what I was being told to do was being propped up by things no one really talked about. Big ad budgets. Teams. Systems already in place. Twenty or thirty thousand dollars a month in ads quietly turning into the hundred or two hundred leads they were telling us to go get.
They weren’t lying. They were just leaving out the part that made it work.
I was doing it organically, with my own time and my own energy, while working full-time. That’s a very different business than the one you build when ads are doing the heavy lifting in the background.
I’ve run ads. I know what they cost. I’ve spent hundreds of dollars in a month to get one lead that never even stayed. That’s not a complaint. It’s just reality. And it made me even more certain that I didn’t want a business that only worked if I was constantly feeding money into it.
The other engine: relationships and teams
When I was being invited to speak on other people’s stages, my following and my reach were much larger than when I was doing it on my own. Not because I was suddenly different, but because I was stepping into rooms that already had people in them. I was tapping into other people’s audiences, people who never would have found me otherwise. That’s what relationships and teams can do. They don’t replace your work, but they can absolutely amplify it.
There’s another piece people don’t always say out loud either. Who you know does matter. When you have a team of people talking about you and your work, your message doesn’t just go to your audience, it goes to their audiences too. That creates momentum in a completely different way.
Some people weren’t using ads. They were using reach. Relationships. Teams. Groups of people who were already sharing and already building. That’s not wrong. It’s just a different engine.
Why the foundation still matters
But even then, there’s still something underneath all of it. They still had their own content. Their own message. Their own place for people to land. The foundation was still there. Relationships can open the door, but you still need a room for people to walk into and a way to keep talking to them after they arrive.
If you’re not building that foundation, even good introductions don’t go very far. You end up with attention that doesn’t have anywhere to settle, and momentum that doesn’t turn into anything lasting.
Talking to the right people, not all the people
Around this same time, I realized something else. I was spending more energy talking to the wrong people than working with the right ones. Curious people. Nice people. But not people who were ready to move. That was draining in a quiet way that adds up over time.
Most of the women I talk to now are still working a job. And I never want to be the person who tells someone to quit the thing that pays the bills while they’re learning a new skill. Your job is not the enemy. It’s the support system while you figure this out.
You get to build this your way
I also know a lot of people get tense when they hear words like funnels or newsletters. It starts to sound complicated fast. What I want you to know is this. You get to build this however you want it to look. It doesn’t have to look like mine. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It has to work for you and for the kind of life you’re actually living.
For a long time, I was using a lot of generic tools and trying to duct-tape everything together. That’s why having everything under one roof in my hub changed things for me. One place. One system. Things that actually talk to each other. Not fancy. Just simpler and easier to live inside.
I knew pretty early on that filling my calendar with a hundred calls a month wasn’t the goal. I also knew I didn’t want to build a business that only worked if I was grinding every day or copying someone else’s system.
What I really wanted was something simpler.
Not fewer tools, just a clearer way for people to find the right starting point.
From funnels to conversations
So I stopped thinking in terms of funnels. I started thinking in terms of conversation.
The first place people land is how I start the conversation. It’s a simple way for someone to show me what they’re actually trying to figure out, and for both of us to see if it even makes sense to talk.
That one small shift changed a lot. It gave people a calmer way in. And it gave me a way to spend my time with the people I could actually help.
From there, some people realize they just want to talk things through. That’s what short calls are for. Not pressure. Not pitching. Just a way to see if a conversation feels useful.
Some people want one focused conversation because they have real questions and want clarity, not another program. And sometimes, what someone wants is guidance. Not for me to do the work for them, but for me to get in the trenches with them and help point the direction. You’re still doing the work. I’m helping you see more clearly where to focus and what to adjust.
That isn’t a template or a one-size thing. It’s a working relationship built around how you work and what you want to grow.
A practical place to start
For a lot of self-starters, having a clear map or blueprint is the best place to begin. Something you can actually work through, step by step, and start putting into action at your own pace.
Once you’re working inside a real plan, questions always come up. That’s when a short, focused conversation makes the most sense, because you’re not starting from scratch. You have something in front of you, and you just need help seeing what’s missing, what’s working, or what’s getting you stuck.
Letting your business work in the background
This is also why I care so much about building things like content, simple follow-up, short calls, and clear next steps. These aren’t about being “on” all the time. They’re about letting your business keep working in the background while you live your life.
They give people a place to land.
They give you a way to follow up.
They create momentum without burning you out.
You get to choose the size of your business
Here’s another piece I think we don’t talk about enough. You also get to decide what level of business you want. Everyone is shouting about ten thousand dollars a month like it’s the only goal worth having. Yes, it sounds good. It also takes a lot of work to build and maintain. Some women would be genuinely happier with an extra one or two thousand a month. That’s not small. That’s real, life-changing money for a lot of households.
The question isn’t what sounds impressive. The question is what kind of business do you actually want to live inside.
I don’t believe you have to grind or copy someone else’s playbook to build something that makes you happy. You also don’t need someone to do it for you. You need a clear path, and sometimes a steady guide while you walk it.
The real point of all of this
This is what I help women build. A business that fits their life, instead of a life that gets swallowed by their business.
Not two separate things.
Not a split identity.
One life. One business. Built to actually work together.
The internet is loud. Most systems are built for averages. But you’re not an average. You’re a real person with a real life and real limits and real goals.
The tools still matter. But they shouldn’t be the ones deciding how your business feels to you or to the people who find you.
Thank you for being here and reading this. If this felt like it put words to something you’ve been carrying, you’re in the right place. The next step should always make sense for your life, not just for your business.
Be unpolished,
Angela
A few questions I get a lot about building this way
What if I’m still working a job and building on the side?
That’s exactly who this is for. Your job pays the bills while you learn the skill. You don’t need to quit your life to build a business. You need a structure that fits inside the life you already have.
Do I need ads to make this work?
No. Some people grow with ads. Some grow with teams and relationships. I chose to build organically because I wanted something slower, steadier, and sustainable without having to feed money into it every month.
Does relationship marketing still matter?
Yes. Who you know does matter. Relationships can open doors and expand your reach. But you still need your own content and your own place for people to land, or that attention doesn’t turn into anything lasting.
Why do you focus so much on content and simple systems?
Because no matter how people find you, they need somewhere to go and a way to keep the conversation going. Content and simple follow-up let your business keep working even when you’re not “on” all the time.
What’s the best place to start if I’m a self-starter?
Start with a clear plan or map you can actually follow. Something you can work through step by step and put into action, instead of guessing what to do next.
What if I want guidance, not someone to do it for me?
That’s exactly how I work. You’re still doing the work. I’m there to help you see more clearly where to focus, what to adjust, and what’s getting you stuck.