Everybody is searching and looking blindly for the cord on the curtain that opens the window to the soul of who they really are. Most spent half a life time and sometimes even more looking for who they are, who they are suppose to be, and then there are a few who never figure it out and live a life in total question of "what if" and self punishment for the things they did many years before.
Soul Searching definition: examination of one's conscience especially with regard to motives and values
Everybody has a life before and after growing up. The choices that you made when you were 15 are different than the ones made at 30, and the ones you make at 40, leaves you wondering what were you thinking to have done the things you had chosen to do.
I spoke to a very interesting patient one morning that could barely get around because of the crippling arthritis that had settled in her back and distorted her fingers into corkscrews. The harsh medication she was taking to maintain her pain level caused her hair to thin to flimsy wispy strands. That she covered with a beautiful pink cap. Her eyes still sparkled but her soul struggled with depression for the person she used to be.
A commercial came on the TV that showed the Kentucky Derby track in Louisville. She smiled and made a comment "I used to date a jockey – we used to have so much fun." With her height and frame being a small I commented "The perfect match for size." She laughed and said yes he was and began telling her story back in the day of living a life around the horse tracks, waiting on tables in the top sports bar for the other jockeys and the high bidders that come to the horse track. As a waitress, wearing a small cocktail dress with "hello" on the matching under pants. She brought home around $500.00 a night on the big horse racing events and $200 a night on slow weeks. She said I lived in the fast lane, I was not a bad person and I did not do bad things. I learned so much from being around all those people and loved that life.
As she talked about the days she lived in the fast lane with all the horses, jockeys and big money her eyes danced, her hands began telling the story and the smile that spread across her face was remembering in full color in her mind. She laughed, as she told how the "big man" would give certain girls that worked the floor of the bar a $1000 to go to the window on the day of the races and set up long-shot bid on horses. That raised eye brows of the people watching her and it changed the bids on horses that had no chance. She said – "I know it was not right but I worked for money as a single mother and my little girl did not want anything. I drove a silver corvette with big pipes that rumbled when I drove." She paused, I know you cannot look at me now and see the person I used to be. When I settled down with a man and had two more children I had to give that life up – and I miss it. The body I have now shows no signs of that girl. This body is slow – old – and worn out. It has caused me a lot of depression trying to adjust to who I am now.
I winked at her – I can see that young girl in you. I can tell you had life by the tail for a little while.
She said, "Thank you she is still inside"
People have more fear of being who they are designed to be than being who they are not. Deep Soul Searching can make a change in your life and when it can be seen by other people. It makes them nervous. Some people will even say and do things to keep you from changing your life to keep them comfortable.
Depression is anger turned inwards
Depression is mainly caused by our minds living within the past. Life can be a very challenging time for many. What we thought we knew, we no longer know. What we thought was important no longer seems to be. It can be a tumultuous and confusing time. Life is far more than a handful of physical changes. It often brings a re-ordering of priorities, a change in values, deep soul-searching about the meaning of life, the facing of our own mortality, and a loss of social power. It becomes a time we give our self permission to change and be who we really are.
Angela Brooks is a leading distributor of Young Living Essential Oils. Dedicated to natural health solutions, Brooks provides people with healing alternatives without harsh side effects. Additionally, Brooks is a mental health nurse committed to bringing mental happiness to the nursing profession by motivating and supporting nurses around the country.
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