The emotional effect remains the same, even 10 years later. I found myself cleaning, organizing, and tossing things in the trash in my office when I came across a black zippered binder. It had dust on top so it had not been open in quite a while. I started to toss it without opening it to see what was inside but I stopped….
Slowly unzipped it saw the edge of the green folder inside that had a rubber band around it to hold it together.
I saw the old familiar slips and policies as soon as I flipped it open. I began to read…
The emotions shocked me
– 10 years had passed –
I still felt the same pull and hurt that occurred on Christmas 2003.
8 months pregnant and miserable still working three days a week 13 hour shifts in a mental hospital. Stressed no less and then she got sick.
It seems like everyone has that someone in their life that makes the edges in the family stay together and she was it. My aunt who was like a 2nd mother, a home we love to go too and did so several times a week. If it was not for her when I had my 1st son I am not sure what I would have done when I returned to work. She was always there. She cooked meals and brought them to the house for every occasion, she helped me move, clean house, raise my child and so much more.
I got a call from my brother that I needed to meet him at her house. The ambulance was not the way she was still breathing but not in good shape. I prayed and drove as fast as I could without getting a speeding ticket. After what felt like months was only 6 weeks the stroke was big and she was trying to get better. As a nurse you see between the lines even though you want to listen to someone say she can recover I could see the damage. They say a old women…I saw the women she was.
Sleeping very little with the pregnancy, working late night hours and driving 30mins to visit daily on Christmas Eve we took the family to her packages food and all. The stroke decided that it would extend its presence and she was not able to fight that demon. She slipped into a painless coma and we waited.
Nurses have schedules that rarely agree with anything that happens in life. I could not leave her to drive an hour to work for someone to call me and tell me she had gone. She would have never done that to me. I waited and I made the call that I rarely make. I had 5 and half months of sick time built up and that night was one to use one for. My contractions had started early in the day and the stress of the new reality did not help them.
I understand the importance of being at work on time and each time I was scheduled, I also knew that there was a time to be with family. Supervisors with their own issues do not care about you or your family…and without those words used, it was what she meant.
As my aunt passed through this life I ended up in the OB unit to for a stress test. Emotionally drained and exhausted remained out of work until the following Monday. My greeting back in the door was not one I expected but didn’t shock me either. No words came of condolences but demands for a slip of paper for proof of the things that had taken place. I had them in my hand. The comment “I don’t except these” I knew the challenge was about to begin.
Nursing is full of caring people who enjoy taking care of others but normally eat the ones they work around piece by piece. Not all supervisors should be in the
position and not not all nurses are caring. According to the state and federal pregnancy and disability discrimination laws, which require non-discriminatory
treatment of pregnant employees and reasonable accommodation for employees with disabilities. I had rights as a employee and she was going to push as
hard as she could to see what I would do. She was not mean… she was evil.
Leaders who lead with intent to cause harm to others makes people function under a fear base model that always fails.
The phrase “Nurses eat their young” was founded on facts. In the final weeks of work before leaving on three months of paid sick leave a charge nurse presented me with a written and signed document that upon returning from leave I would be on doctors statement – I would lose my shift – and would be placed on 5 days a week knowing that when I returned I would then have a newborn. I took the paper out if her hand and read it slowly and repeated what she had written, I ask if this was from her ad she agreed.
I said then this is for you… as I reached in my bag for a copy of The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and The Pregnancy Discrimination Act. I smiled and left her standing in the middle of room with the signed document she had given me.
I closed the black zipped binder … ran my hand over the dust on top of the zipper and placed it back in the box. I smiled not because I won the challenge but because that incident was the straw that broke the camel’s back as they say to push me out of my comfort zone and learn how to become a nursepreneur.
That was only one incident in 25 years that I had to fight my way through using policies, and 800 numbers to stop the bully behavior that happens daily in the nursing space. I keep that stack of papers to remind me that they have control of my schedule and how much time I spend with my family. It was more like a prison mentality than a work place. Bullying is well known in nursing and many other places of work.
As I started my adventure as a nursepreneur I knew I was on the right path. By profession I am a Nurse and by heart I am also an Entrepreneur. How do I cultivate wisdom of a Nursepreneur? I observe simplicity in my lifestyle. I don’t want to be an employee all of my life. I have appreciated the jobs I have had and they have provided well for my family in exchange for time and money. I want to build a life not a pay check. I want to enjoy my fast growing family not pass them in the driveway.
That is why I have opened the Inner Circle a private facebook group to show others how I have taken my nursing from the bedside to the entrepreneurial side. I would like to invite you to the INNER CIRCLE where myself and my team will be sharing business tips to move you into transition or how to work full time and business part time. Nurse get restless and they knew with it is time for something different – become a nursepreneur there is no time like today. I will see you inside the Inner Circle